Quitting porn as a woman

You're not unusual

Most writing about quitting porn assumes the reader is a man. That leaves women who struggle with it feeling like an exception, and often more ashamed than they need to be.

Women do watch porn, and some lose control over it. In a nationally representative US survey of adults, about 3% of women, compared with about 11% of men, agreed at least somewhat with the statement "I am addicted to pornography." Lower than men, but far from rare.

The hook works the same way

Porn hooks the brain's wanting system with endless novelty on demand. After a session there's a faint, restless dip, and the next session relieves it, so the relief gets mistaken for pleasure. Tolerance builds, ordinary pleasures feel flatter, and cues like late nights, stress, loneliness and boredom start to trigger urges automatically. None of that depends on gender. Why porn is so hard to quit.

What can be different

• The content. For some women it's video. For others it's erotic stories, audio, fan fiction or specific communities. The rule is the same: if it's built to arouse and it's feeding the habit, it counts.
• The silence. Fewer people talk about it, so there are fewer examples of people who got out, and fewer places to say it out loud.
• The shame. Women can carry extra shame from the idea that this "isn't a women's problem". Research on moral incongruence finds that conflict between your values and your use makes it feel more out of control at the same level of use. Shame adds weight without adding control. Why shame makes you relapse.

The way out is the same

1. Decide once, completely. There's no such thing as one look.
2. See that you're giving up nothing, only an itch and a cloud.
3. Meet urges as waves that crest and pass.
4. Write if-then rules for your riskiest moments. How.
5. Make it harder to reach in weak moments. Blocking on iPhone.
6. Treat lapses as data, not verdicts. After a lapse.

Masturbation and the gray zone

The rule in rerute is the same for everyone: masturbating without porn isn't a lapse, and with porn playing in your head, it is. If it needs a storyline, it's a session. The gray zone, explained.

rerute is for everyone

rerute doesn't assume who you are. You pick who walks your road from twelve faces, and nothing in the app speaks to you as a "guy". It has no streaks, no shame and no notifications, and your logs stay private. See how it works.

Questions people ask

Can women be addicted to porn?

Yes. Fewer women than men report feeling addicted, but many women use porn and some lose control over it. In a US national survey, about 3% of women agreed at least somewhat that they were addicted.

Is porn addiction different for women?

The mechanism is the same. What can differ is the content (for some, erotic stories, audio or specific genres), and the extra shame that comes from a topic that's rarely discussed for women.

Does masturbation count as a lapse for women?

The same rule applies to everyone: masturbating without porn isn't a lapse. With porn in your head, it is. The gray zone.